I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
