maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
