who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
