5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize