You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
We have so much sex to catch up on
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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