I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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