I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
