You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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