oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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