dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize