how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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