She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
