btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
bring money and cleavage
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
