my mouth tastes like poor choices
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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