she was so not down for the gang bang
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
