I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
