My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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