Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
