I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
did i walk over a car last night?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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