You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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