if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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