Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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