I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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