I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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