I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
