I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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