So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Randomize
