i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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