Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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