i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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