he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Randomize
