is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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