I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
