thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
