it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
this will be a night to untag.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Randomize
