I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
