I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
