Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
