One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
