....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize