This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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