Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize