I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize
