New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
