So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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