He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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