If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
