he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
