As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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