I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
