Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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