If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
