I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
i now understand why vodka
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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