guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
