Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
