This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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