I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
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