textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
