I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
