Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
