She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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