Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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