So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
