every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
