There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
