I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
