I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize