It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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