How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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