I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
