listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I woke up under a house in Key West
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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