thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
