Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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