My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
