WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
