At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Randomize