i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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