Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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