how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
