I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
