Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
