hotel room ftw
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
