I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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