Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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